Loving Myself.

This year, hasn't turned out at all how i thought it would. My life is changing so much. I'm changing. It's magical. And, I am absolutely loving how I feel.





A few things i have noticed about myself recently:



--I really only get online to see how Beth is doing.

--I listen to music more than I have for a long time.

--I know why i cry now.

--I don't fight with my mom much.

--I feel happy.

--I am not scared.

--I can be happy with where ever my life is going.

--I can take all that is happening to heart without blamming myself.

--I think I am beautiful, for the first time in my life.



My life has really been a roller coaster. Each day I remember what I have gone through and the things I have done. I remember who I was and I compare it to who I think I am now, who I want to become.

I love remembering times I shared with some amazing people. I used to just wish for those days to be here, now. I used to long for those people to be back in my life. But now, I can look back and see that everything that has happened has made me who I am. And I am strong and beautiful. I am in love with who I have become. I wouldn't go back to change anything about my life.



I cannot believe how far I have come during the last few weeks of the summer. I think it all started with a simple phrase: "Be here, now."

I don't feel the need to think about later. I am perfectly happy with now. Now is where my life is. Now is where my friends are. Things might change tomorrow. They probably will. But no matter what, I know I am loved.


Thats all I need, all I ever needed.

Number One

Hello world. I am excited for this new blog. I hope it gives me the chance to get out a lot of what I've been thinking.
Recently I have found out that two of my friends are pregnant. The two are complete opposites. One married, she has been waiting to be a mother for two or more years, and now she is being blessed with two sons. I am so happy for her. She deserves this more than anyone I know. She is going to be the best mother anyone could ask for. My other friend is young and not prepared for something like this in her life. I cannot imagine how she is feeling or the things she is going through. But I know that she will do everything she possibly can to give this child what it deserves.
I went to Eagle Lake last week. And as always have come back feeling high on life. Something about it there makes the world seem so easy to conquer. I feel as if I could do anything. Camp is somewhere I can be myself and still make friends that i know are true. I love the people I met. I wish i could wake up there and do those things all over again tomorrow. I already can't wait for what next summer will bring.
School starts in ten days. I know that as soon as it does, and i walk off that bus and get into that same redundant theme all my good feelings will seem so far off. I am ready, however, to take on this new year. I am ready to show people who I am for once. I feel like a different person than from last year. I was so scared of life last year that I think I just let it pass right on by. Not to say that I am not scared anymore, (because i am scared to death,) but this year I will not let life leave me behind. Bring it on.