Forgiveness

I don't know what everyone else feels about forgiveness, and I don't know why they feel that way. But for me, I feel so happy with myself when I forgive.

It's so easy to say that you always forgive, it's harder to do it. Forgive and Forget. That's the best thing to do. Don't forget what the situation taught you, but don't bring it into everything you do. Leave it alone. Forgive, and be done with it.

Because of the fact that I say I always forgive I want to get a few things off my chest, so I can be real. I need to be truthful in what I believe, because I expect all of you to be real in what you believe. So here it goes.

John.
I forgive you for taking my sister. I forgive you for what you did to her, and the hurt you caused not only her, but our whole family. I forgive you for making me grow up so fast. I forgive you.

Mom.
I forgive you for being so unhappy when I was younger. I forgive you for thinking I was just a child. I forgive for not telling me what I needed to know. I forgive you for being so dramatic. I forgive you for being angry. I forgive you for smoking. I forgive you for lying about it. I forgive you.

Dad.
I forgive you for not being around. I forgive you for not understanding. I forgive you for yelling. I forgive you for telling me my opinion didn't matter. I forgive you.

Caitlin.
I forgive you for not being there for me when I was younger. I forgive you for using me. I forgive you for hurting me. I forgive you.


In my opinion these are the most important things in my life that need to be forgiven. But not only forgiven, It's time for me to let go. Moving on with my life and starting over requires me to forget that these people hurt me, and remember that they taught me also.

To not forgive John would be selfish of me. In a way he gave me my best friend. He taught me how short life can be, and how unfulfilled it can become. He taught me that the world is full of bad people. But my sister, she taught me that people can change, and that they do it every day. I continue to learn from what these two taught me. The hatred in my soul for John has gone. I'm at peace with that.

I forgive my parents for divorcing, and I forgive them for getting back together. I forgive them for not understanding my feelings toward things. I forgive them for not having open minds about the world and the things in it. I forgive them for not respecting what others believe when it isn't what they believe.
They, of course, teach me something everyday, even if they don't know it. I'm am having to realize that they change just like me, with the things they endure. I know that they aren't perfect, and i shouldn't expect them to be. I love them both, no matter what I say.

In my heart I know that the most important person to forgive is myself. I've been through some really hard things, and I've done things in my life that maybe I'm not proud of. By forgiving myself I allow myself to live with no regret. I regret nothing because it was all just a learning experience. There is no doubt in my mind that if I didn't forgive myself and the people around me that I would be full of regret. What matters to me is that I forgive. Whether or not you forgive me is your choice. If I have apologized then my heart is happy. That's the end of that.


If you've read this, and you feel I've hurt you ever in anyway please tell me. It's important that those who deserve forgiveness get it. And we all deserve it. All of us.

A Single Year

It's been one year since I started this blog. It's been one year since i purposely flipped my world up side down. I took a chance and it led me to who I am today, one year later.

What this year taught me::

- I never want to wonder "what if?"
- A good day cannot be ruined by a single bad event. The day still happened.
- Someone is always listening.
- You choose to be alone. You choose to not be.
- Happiness is essential to living.
- Don't drink a large soda before a roller coaster.
- Bad moods are contagious. So are good moods.
- Cherish each moment with the people you love.
- Hold your head up, they are watching.
- The longer you pretend to be strong, the easier it becomes.
- You only get one life, live it.
- Secrets are better shared.
- A baby changes everything.
- Smiling every day makes life worth it.
- Crying doesn't kill you.
- We all dream.
- The word teenager is a stereotype. And we all buy into it.
- If life is moving too fast, you can downshift.
- Even freedom is controlled.
- Choose your words carefully.
- A deep conversation changes people.
- My sister is always right.
- Everyone will hurt you.
- Everyone will talk about you. && you'll talk about them.
- Music cures sadness, but can cure happiness as well.
- Take as long as you want to let go of people, or situations.
- Hugs should be long.
- Kisses should be sweet.
- You make your life what it is.
- Epic can be good or bad.
- Money is important but hard to find.
- So are friends.
- Always bring a coat when your mom tells you to.
- Karma gets you. no matter what.
- Friends don't just get lost, they wander.
- Boys only say what they say because they know we want to hear it.
- Convers are best dirty.
- Orange makes me smile.
- People change. No matter what you do.
- They make phones really easy to drop.
- The strongest person you know will one day break down in front of you.
- Everyone deals with something hard.
- You don't find yourself, you make yourself.
- My plans always change.
- I can walk alone. But I don't have to.
- Emotions can save you.
- It's easy to forget who you are for a second, and that second impacts everything.
- Music really does heal.
- I built a wall around myself to avoid being hurt. And it's a lot harder to tear down than I thought.
- You can't love others without loving yourself.
- Regret only happens when forgiveness does not.
- Boys like to ruin everything.
- After a hard day of work you need good friends and good stories.
- Memories make the pictures, the pictures hold the memories.
- We make our own quotes to live by.
- Tragic endings make the story that much more epic.
- Feelings change, but that doesn't make the past lies.
- Following your heart is like having a compass that doesn't point north.
- You find how others really feel in times of trouble.
- The strongest feelings are those you don't want to feel.
- It's easy to buy into what they tell you.
- When you lose your mind, take a nap.
- Blink 182 will always save me.
- The least likely friends are the best.
- Life goes on, it's the people who choose to hold on.

Of course I can't put everything I've learned this year, but I can tell you that every second of this crazy, tragic, beautiful year has impacted who I am. I can't wait to do this all again. Life is taking me beyond where I thought I could go. I'm so different than who I expected to be.