Hold Your Head Up

Lately I've been realizing how hard life really is going to be. It's like for so long I've ignored the fact that growing up means doing something new with my life. It also means I'm gonna need a whole lot more money.

Things have been so hard for me lately. Nothing seems to go right. The only person I can count on in life is me. Everyone betrays me. Everyone uses me. Everyone lies to me. No one appreciates the things I do. It wouldn't make a difference if i were here or not. The truth is that if I died the people that knew me would cry and say how they remembered me and all the things about me that were so great. Some people would say we were best friends. A lot of people wouldn't care. The people who are close to me would cry some, maybe a lot. But eventually...everyone would move on. They might think about me every now and then...but the pain would fade. The memories would be forgotten. And time would move on without me. Right now I'm not really sure why I'm still trying. But I am.

Money has become a big deal. I need it. I don't have it. Ill pretty much be 18 in a year..I want to get an apartment and leave as soon as I can. So I need a job. I need to save my money. I need to start growing up. But it's just so hard. I have no clue how to balance a job with School. I want to play tennis. But getting this money is important. College is going to be expensive. Clearly...I guess I just started thinking about that. College might be my only chance to get out of this town...but out of state tuition is so high. What if I miss my chance?

I'm not sure how to handle my life right now.


All I ever wanted was to change the world, to leave behind a legacy; I just never knew it would be this hard.