Dear October, I hate to see you go.

My seventeenth birthday was on Monday. And you know what? It feels great to know that I survived another year in this place. It's even better to know that I only have one more year. One more year and I can escape to where ever I desire, or at least another state. =] I have a lot of possibilities because of the people I know, and I'm so thankful for that. After all, I'm gonna need all the help I can get. Of course I could do it on my own, but I don't have to, and I don't want to. And even though it's hard to believe sometimes, there are people who have my back. They might not be the people I wanted, or thought would always be there, but they love me, and that's where it's at.
I want to leave this place, and I want to become someone. I want more for my life than the same redundant theme. I want to chase my goals, I want to reach my dreams. I don't want to be okay with the way things are. Even if I have to search my whole life for what I want, I'll be happy with that. I feel like life is about the mystery. It's about creating who you are. It's about taking chances and making outrageous decisions. It's about being spontaneous. It's about loving everyone in your own way. It's about learning to forgive. It's about trusting. It's about living life in the way only you can. Life is about making it yours.
That's what I think anyway. And that's what counts.
Well, October is almost over. And I've changed a lot. I can feel it already. I've been through so much in such a short time. And I've learned that if I can just survive one more year, I'll be able to take on the world. I'm gonna be something. I'm going to do big things. And I'm never going to look back.

What I already knew. And Why.

Fall. Not only is the weather beginning to change, but so is my life. So much has happened in the past month that I'm not really ready to share, but it's caused so much to change. It's a big chain of events that lead me up to this very moment.

-The most recent: losing my best friend.
--the worst part: I saw it coming from the moment we became friends.

I guess I always had a feeling we would end up tearing each other apart. We are so alike in every way possible. The way we get mad when no one listens, the way we think, the way we talk, the way our attitudes are terrible, how we're amazing friends to people who give us time, how we really care about people and the way they treat us. Even our thoughts are the same, we're always on the same subject. Unfortunately it's because of all these similarities that we broke. This whole thing just tore me apart, but I'm alright now. I just miss you.

This shouldn't have hurt so bad. If I had never let myself get so close I would have been okay, things would be different. But I let him become my best friend, and I thought I could trust him with anything. I thought, "how could this go bad?" But it did go bad...in so many ways. Things I never could imagine going wrong, went wrong.

Life is always showing me that people leave. So this is the last time I hurt myself like this. I knew the outcome from the start. I knew what I was getting into. I knew I needed to guard my heart. And the second I let my guard down, my world crashed. If this is what it took to teach me what I already knew, then so be it. I won't make the same mistake again. I won't let myself be torn apart.

I suppose this is just life telling me that I can't get too comfortable with people, or situations, because they always fall apart. I'll always be alone in the end.

I am strong. I am smart. I can handle my life. I don't need saving.