Fall. Not only is the weather beginning to change, but so is my life. So much has happened in the past month that I'm not really ready to share, but it's caused so much to change. It's a big chain of events that lead me up to this very moment.
-The most recent: losing my best friend.
--the worst part: I saw it coming from the moment we became friends.
I guess I always had a feeling we would end up tearing each other apart. We are so alike in every way possible. The way we get mad when no one listens, the way we think, the way we talk, the way our attitudes are terrible, how we're amazing friends to people who give us time, how we really care about people and the way they treat us. Even our thoughts are the same, we're always on the same subject. Unfortunately it's because of all these similarities that we broke. This whole thing just tore me apart, but I'm alright now. I just miss you.
This shouldn't have hurt so bad. If I had never let myself get so close I would have been okay, things would be different. But I let him become my best friend, and I thought I could trust him with anything. I thought, "how could this go bad?" But it did go bad...in so many ways. Things I never could imagine going wrong, went wrong.
Life is always showing me that people leave. So this is the last time I hurt myself like this. I knew the outcome from the start. I knew what I was getting into. I knew I needed to guard my heart. And the second I let my guard down, my world crashed. If this is what it took to teach me what I already knew, then so be it. I won't make the same mistake again. I won't let myself be torn apart.
I suppose this is just life telling me that I can't get too comfortable with people, or situations, because they always fall apart. I'll always be alone in the end.
I am strong. I am smart. I can handle my life. I don't need saving.
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