Dear October, I hate to see you go.

My seventeenth birthday was on Monday. And you know what? It feels great to know that I survived another year in this place. It's even better to know that I only have one more year. One more year and I can escape to where ever I desire, or at least another state. =] I have a lot of possibilities because of the people I know, and I'm so thankful for that. After all, I'm gonna need all the help I can get. Of course I could do it on my own, but I don't have to, and I don't want to. And even though it's hard to believe sometimes, there are people who have my back. They might not be the people I wanted, or thought would always be there, but they love me, and that's where it's at.
I want to leave this place, and I want to become someone. I want more for my life than the same redundant theme. I want to chase my goals, I want to reach my dreams. I don't want to be okay with the way things are. Even if I have to search my whole life for what I want, I'll be happy with that. I feel like life is about the mystery. It's about creating who you are. It's about taking chances and making outrageous decisions. It's about being spontaneous. It's about loving everyone in your own way. It's about learning to forgive. It's about trusting. It's about living life in the way only you can. Life is about making it yours.
That's what I think anyway. And that's what counts.
Well, October is almost over. And I've changed a lot. I can feel it already. I've been through so much in such a short time. And I've learned that if I can just survive one more year, I'll be able to take on the world. I'm gonna be something. I'm going to do big things. And I'm never going to look back.

What I already knew. And Why.

Fall. Not only is the weather beginning to change, but so is my life. So much has happened in the past month that I'm not really ready to share, but it's caused so much to change. It's a big chain of events that lead me up to this very moment.

-The most recent: losing my best friend.
--the worst part: I saw it coming from the moment we became friends.

I guess I always had a feeling we would end up tearing each other apart. We are so alike in every way possible. The way we get mad when no one listens, the way we think, the way we talk, the way our attitudes are terrible, how we're amazing friends to people who give us time, how we really care about people and the way they treat us. Even our thoughts are the same, we're always on the same subject. Unfortunately it's because of all these similarities that we broke. This whole thing just tore me apart, but I'm alright now. I just miss you.

This shouldn't have hurt so bad. If I had never let myself get so close I would have been okay, things would be different. But I let him become my best friend, and I thought I could trust him with anything. I thought, "how could this go bad?" But it did go bad...in so many ways. Things I never could imagine going wrong, went wrong.

Life is always showing me that people leave. So this is the last time I hurt myself like this. I knew the outcome from the start. I knew what I was getting into. I knew I needed to guard my heart. And the second I let my guard down, my world crashed. If this is what it took to teach me what I already knew, then so be it. I won't make the same mistake again. I won't let myself be torn apart.

I suppose this is just life telling me that I can't get too comfortable with people, or situations, because they always fall apart. I'll always be alone in the end.

I am strong. I am smart. I can handle my life. I don't need saving.

Hitting Rock Bottom

This has been one of the hardest days of my life. Last night changed everything. Everything. I've honestly never cried as much as I have in the last two days. I'm not sure how I feel about putting everything that's happened on here quite yet. But eventually you all will know. For now though just know it's killing me. I almost lost someone so close to me. I almost lost myself.
The truth is that my life has slowly spun out of my control, and until last night there was no way to stop it. And even though what I'm going through now is hard, I know it's saving me.
Today I learned that there are a lot of people who care about me, and in my moment of desperation I over looked them, I didn't seek an exit, I tried to create one. I wanted to die. Yeah. Trust me, that's hard to put on here. I felt so alone and lost that I began to believe that was my only way out. And today, the very next day, I see how many people I have. None of us are alone.
Today I learned that I want to save everyone. But I cant. I just think I have to. I care so much about the people in my life that I just don't want them to have to go through anything bad, I want to shield them. I want to take away their burdens. Even when mine are weighing me down. For now though, it's time for me to focus on myself. How can I save someone from falling off a cliff if I'm already falling?
The only thing I can ask for now is support. A shoulder to cry on. Someone to listen to me. That's the only thing anyone can do for me. The rest is up to me, but I'm not alone. I just can't possibly be. I'm terrified for this month. This is where my whole group of friends is going to change, we have to help each other, we have to be there, but in the end, we're all making our own decisions. We are shaping our lives. It's time we grow up. It's time to be serious. And unfortunately we've spun ourselves into a deep hole. I know we can make it though..because what other option is there?
Everything has to be okay in the end, right?

Even though I have these positive thoughts, it's my other thoughts that are getting the best of me. I feel scared. I feel invisible. I feel sad. so sad. This is so hard. My whole life is being flipped yet again, and I saw it coming. In a way I welcomed this disaster.
All I know is that now is the time for change. It's beginning to be fall, and my life always changes in the fall. I knew something big was coming. And here it is in all it's epicness.

I don't know how to get through this.

Hold Your Head Up

Lately I've been realizing how hard life really is going to be. It's like for so long I've ignored the fact that growing up means doing something new with my life. It also means I'm gonna need a whole lot more money.

Things have been so hard for me lately. Nothing seems to go right. The only person I can count on in life is me. Everyone betrays me. Everyone uses me. Everyone lies to me. No one appreciates the things I do. It wouldn't make a difference if i were here or not. The truth is that if I died the people that knew me would cry and say how they remembered me and all the things about me that were so great. Some people would say we were best friends. A lot of people wouldn't care. The people who are close to me would cry some, maybe a lot. But eventually...everyone would move on. They might think about me every now and then...but the pain would fade. The memories would be forgotten. And time would move on without me. Right now I'm not really sure why I'm still trying. But I am.

Money has become a big deal. I need it. I don't have it. Ill pretty much be 18 in a year..I want to get an apartment and leave as soon as I can. So I need a job. I need to save my money. I need to start growing up. But it's just so hard. I have no clue how to balance a job with School. I want to play tennis. But getting this money is important. College is going to be expensive. Clearly...I guess I just started thinking about that. College might be my only chance to get out of this town...but out of state tuition is so high. What if I miss my chance?

I'm not sure how to handle my life right now.


All I ever wanted was to change the world, to leave behind a legacy; I just never knew it would be this hard.

Waking up from a Dream.

"Once the sun begins to hide we all have to face reality. We all have to face what's real in our lives." --Dillon Geiger.

I tend to live life behind a mask. I hide my heart and soul from the world, probably because it can be so cruel. On the outside this girl is tough. She's so happy, living her life in the way she chooses. Making mistakes but never regretting a single moment. Under the facade is a totally different face. I think continuously of the life I live. I forever wonder what comes next. And secretly I'm terrified for the future. High school is ending, life will continue to move on even after graduation. What if I don't know where to go from here? What if I can't handle the world.


"I don't be; I am. I do." You cannot possibly say that you are contributing to the world when you are hiding behind your facade. Do not just be. Live. Bring the world something to remember you by. Leave your legacy in the hearts of the people you know. DO something that completes a life. Be the person you are meant to be. Show the world that you matter. Prove it.

You may die. Your family may die. This nation might fall. and the world will end. But your soul will live on in it's legacy for eternity. Never doubt that what you do matters, never doubt that you bring the world something. ;;because even when this dream is over the legacy is worth ever second of everything you went through. Life may be the dream, but we dream it.

Forgiveness

I don't know what everyone else feels about forgiveness, and I don't know why they feel that way. But for me, I feel so happy with myself when I forgive.

It's so easy to say that you always forgive, it's harder to do it. Forgive and Forget. That's the best thing to do. Don't forget what the situation taught you, but don't bring it into everything you do. Leave it alone. Forgive, and be done with it.

Because of the fact that I say I always forgive I want to get a few things off my chest, so I can be real. I need to be truthful in what I believe, because I expect all of you to be real in what you believe. So here it goes.

John.
I forgive you for taking my sister. I forgive you for what you did to her, and the hurt you caused not only her, but our whole family. I forgive you for making me grow up so fast. I forgive you.

Mom.
I forgive you for being so unhappy when I was younger. I forgive you for thinking I was just a child. I forgive for not telling me what I needed to know. I forgive you for being so dramatic. I forgive you for being angry. I forgive you for smoking. I forgive you for lying about it. I forgive you.

Dad.
I forgive you for not being around. I forgive you for not understanding. I forgive you for yelling. I forgive you for telling me my opinion didn't matter. I forgive you.

Caitlin.
I forgive you for not being there for me when I was younger. I forgive you for using me. I forgive you for hurting me. I forgive you.


In my opinion these are the most important things in my life that need to be forgiven. But not only forgiven, It's time for me to let go. Moving on with my life and starting over requires me to forget that these people hurt me, and remember that they taught me also.

To not forgive John would be selfish of me. In a way he gave me my best friend. He taught me how short life can be, and how unfulfilled it can become. He taught me that the world is full of bad people. But my sister, she taught me that people can change, and that they do it every day. I continue to learn from what these two taught me. The hatred in my soul for John has gone. I'm at peace with that.

I forgive my parents for divorcing, and I forgive them for getting back together. I forgive them for not understanding my feelings toward things. I forgive them for not having open minds about the world and the things in it. I forgive them for not respecting what others believe when it isn't what they believe.
They, of course, teach me something everyday, even if they don't know it. I'm am having to realize that they change just like me, with the things they endure. I know that they aren't perfect, and i shouldn't expect them to be. I love them both, no matter what I say.

In my heart I know that the most important person to forgive is myself. I've been through some really hard things, and I've done things in my life that maybe I'm not proud of. By forgiving myself I allow myself to live with no regret. I regret nothing because it was all just a learning experience. There is no doubt in my mind that if I didn't forgive myself and the people around me that I would be full of regret. What matters to me is that I forgive. Whether or not you forgive me is your choice. If I have apologized then my heart is happy. That's the end of that.


If you've read this, and you feel I've hurt you ever in anyway please tell me. It's important that those who deserve forgiveness get it. And we all deserve it. All of us.

A Single Year

It's been one year since I started this blog. It's been one year since i purposely flipped my world up side down. I took a chance and it led me to who I am today, one year later.

What this year taught me::

- I never want to wonder "what if?"
- A good day cannot be ruined by a single bad event. The day still happened.
- Someone is always listening.
- You choose to be alone. You choose to not be.
- Happiness is essential to living.
- Don't drink a large soda before a roller coaster.
- Bad moods are contagious. So are good moods.
- Cherish each moment with the people you love.
- Hold your head up, they are watching.
- The longer you pretend to be strong, the easier it becomes.
- You only get one life, live it.
- Secrets are better shared.
- A baby changes everything.
- Smiling every day makes life worth it.
- Crying doesn't kill you.
- We all dream.
- The word teenager is a stereotype. And we all buy into it.
- If life is moving too fast, you can downshift.
- Even freedom is controlled.
- Choose your words carefully.
- A deep conversation changes people.
- My sister is always right.
- Everyone will hurt you.
- Everyone will talk about you. && you'll talk about them.
- Music cures sadness, but can cure happiness as well.
- Take as long as you want to let go of people, or situations.
- Hugs should be long.
- Kisses should be sweet.
- You make your life what it is.
- Epic can be good or bad.
- Money is important but hard to find.
- So are friends.
- Always bring a coat when your mom tells you to.
- Karma gets you. no matter what.
- Friends don't just get lost, they wander.
- Boys only say what they say because they know we want to hear it.
- Convers are best dirty.
- Orange makes me smile.
- People change. No matter what you do.
- They make phones really easy to drop.
- The strongest person you know will one day break down in front of you.
- Everyone deals with something hard.
- You don't find yourself, you make yourself.
- My plans always change.
- I can walk alone. But I don't have to.
- Emotions can save you.
- It's easy to forget who you are for a second, and that second impacts everything.
- Music really does heal.
- I built a wall around myself to avoid being hurt. And it's a lot harder to tear down than I thought.
- You can't love others without loving yourself.
- Regret only happens when forgiveness does not.
- Boys like to ruin everything.
- After a hard day of work you need good friends and good stories.
- Memories make the pictures, the pictures hold the memories.
- We make our own quotes to live by.
- Tragic endings make the story that much more epic.
- Feelings change, but that doesn't make the past lies.
- Following your heart is like having a compass that doesn't point north.
- You find how others really feel in times of trouble.
- The strongest feelings are those you don't want to feel.
- It's easy to buy into what they tell you.
- When you lose your mind, take a nap.
- Blink 182 will always save me.
- The least likely friends are the best.
- Life goes on, it's the people who choose to hold on.

Of course I can't put everything I've learned this year, but I can tell you that every second of this crazy, tragic, beautiful year has impacted who I am. I can't wait to do this all again. Life is taking me beyond where I thought I could go. I'm so different than who I expected to be.

Becomming Me.

Seventh Grade.

I was the girl with dark makeup covering my eyes. I was the quiet girl. I was the girl with head phones on, every second possible. I was the sad girl. I was the girl with no plans. I was the girl who hurt at the thought of her past. I was the girl who was alone in a room full of people. I was the girl who hated herself. I was the girl who cut a star into her ankle to prove a point. I was the girl who kept cutting it. I was the girl who was lost. I was the girl with dark clothes, who died her hair any time she could. I was the girl who was afraid to smile. I was the girl who ran to the wrong person for help. I was the girl who gave up everything for a guy. I was the girl who lost the only person that had ever cared about her. I was the girl who gave her best friend away. I was the girl who cried in her room. I was the girl who blasted her music so loud, just to sleep without thinking too much. I was the girl they were afraid of.

Eighth Grade.

I was the girl with nothing to lose. I was the girl who realized it was time to change. I was the girl who met a good guy. I was the girl who found new friends. I was the girl who cared so much about what they said. I was the girl who covered up her past. I was the girl who lied about everything. I was the girl they loved.I was the confident girl. But, I was the girl with a wall around her heart. I was the who let almost no one in. I was still the girl with that little reminder on her ankle.

Ninth Grade.

I was the girl who changed her everything for him. I was the girl who believed every word from his mouth. I was the girl who never spoke. I was the girl with a jealous boy friend. I was the girl who spent every possible second with him. I was the girl with no friends. I was the girl with A's and B's. I was the girl who no one knew. I was the girl who didn't know who she was. I was the girl who cried every day. I was the girl who never slept. I was the girl who thought she was in love. I was the girl who was afraid to be anything other than what he wanted. I was the girl who changed herself for all the wrong reasons.

Tenth Grade.

I was the girl who finally saw who she had become. I was the girl who saw the world in a different light. I was the girl who was tired of loneliness. I was the girl who did something about it. I was the girl who changed everything to be who she knew she was meant to be. I was the girl who stopped believing what everyone wanted her to. I was the girl who loved who she was. I was the girl happy with life. I was the girl who made new friends every day. I was the girl who couldn't stop smiling. I was the girl who was proud of her scars. I was the girl who didn't care what anyone said. I was the girl her own goals. I was the girl who lived her life the way she wanted. I was the girl with black nail polish and dark clothes, because that's what she wanted. I was the girl who stopped holding back. I was the girl who said what she thought. I was the girl who never planned anything. I was the girl who did her own thing. I was the girl who saw her beauty. I was the girl who stopped letting her past prevent her happiness. I was the girl who was strong. I was the girl who knew what she wanted, and did what she could to get it.

Eleventh Grade.



...to be continued.

Who I am.

I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a friend. I am a lover. I am a student. I am crazy. I am outspoken. I am opinionated. I am selfish. I am strong. I am careless. I am beautiful. I am loud. I am smart. I am determined. I am skinny. I love music and sound. I love the color orange. I love movies. I love a good book. I love innocence. I love driving. I love summer nights. I love grass. I love sleeping. I love having someone to talk to. I love how I feel after a long day of work. I love bubble baths. I love incense. I love the stars, and reading my horoscope. I love my sister. I love my gross KIA. I love my past. I love being spontaneous. I love kisses. I love jamming out in my room alone. I love walking in the park with Brandie. I love car adventures with Tony. I love under the bridge with Paul and Dillon. I love not talking to Joshua until I'm with Nana. I love Cait putting her make up on in my car. I love Red Bull. I love long days of work where Monica forgets her own thoughts. I love seeing pictures of Beth with her SONS. I love my mom singing country music in the car. I love my Aunt using her kitty voice. I love my dad talking for hours on the phone. I love walking to the bus stop in the snow. I love the sunrise with Dillon and Paul. I love dreams about nothing. I love forgetting my locker combo after Christmas break. I love the first two days of school. I love how my parents can have a whole conversation about nothing at all. I love Cait being married to Pete. I love how I'm the youngest person in my whole family. I love Ashlei being so strong. I love lightning and thunder. I love rain. and puddles. I love 719. I love shorts and tank tops, the windows down driving nowhere. I love Brandie. I love Ashlei. I love Caitlin. I love Beth. I love Nana. I love Dillon. I love Tony. I love Joshua. I love Paul. I love my mom. I love my dad. I love my family.

I love my life.

We Are.

Life goes by without our notice. We sit back and live in the way that only we can. we watch for things we dreamed of, we dance and sing, we laugh, we cry, and all the while life is flying by.

We miss out on so much because our minds are closed to the possibilities of this world. It's so easy to miss the the simply beautiful things, like the clouds in the sky, or a thunderstorm.

I was at a stop light earlier tonight. No special song was playing. It didn't feel like a memorable moment. But as I looked up to the sky the world just caught me by surprise. Time froze for that second. I could see a beautiful picture -the street lights lining the darkening sky, one single star shining through to us.

I feel like life is me against time. It's me against the clock. Either I finish what is meant to be or I fail. There is no alternative.

What is meant to be, will be. I'm not afraid to set my whole being on the line. I'm not afraid to take a chance on this life. I am not afraid of what might happen, because I know that where this life takes me is where I am meant to be.

The world is changing. We are becoming more and more secluded in our minds. Say what you believe. Believe in what you believe. Let others believe what they believe. Have hope. And give hope. Share thoughts, and keep an open mind. Let each person be who they are without feeling ridiculed. We are the teachers. We are the fighters. We are the lovers. We are the heroes. We are the saviors. We are the youth of today who will become the leaders of the future. WE MAKE TOMORROW. It is up to us. Everything is up to us. Don't be narrow minded.

Live how only you can. Love how only you know how. And let everyone else do the same.

A Letter to My Sister on Her Wedding Day

Dear Caitlin,
First I want you to know how much I love you, if that’s possible. And second, even though it may sound corny, I want you to know how proud I am of you. How far you have come amazes me. The person you are, and are becoming, is someone I can honestly look up to. When I was younger I never felt that I had a sister. And to be honest I’m not sure I cared. I didn’t know anything about who you were. I didn’t know you, and I will never know who you were. And even though I lost that part of my life I don’t mind it. I know that what I didn’t get then is being made up for now, and in the years to come. In losing a sister I gained a best friend. And not just any best friend, I know I can never lose you. I know that no matter where life takes us I can count on you. We were never meant to have the sisterly relationship that most girls have, and that’s okay…because we have so much more. I know I couldn’t handle this crazy life without you, I could never lose you again. Life doesn’t seem so hard knowing I have you. You’ve taught me some amazing things in my life, and I’ve leaned so much from watching you. Life gets tough, but I thank God I have you, for if I didn’t I would never become the person I want to be. You are my sister. You are my hero. You are my role model. You are my reality check. But most of all, Cait, you are my friend. I wouldn’t give a minute of what we have now to get back the time we missed. Now, as you start a new chapter in your life, I want you to know I am here for you. And I always will be. No matter how many miles apart we are I will be there to pick you up when you’re down. I hope you can prove to me that “true love” does exist, and that it lasts forever. Pete is your match. I see the way he has changed you and your life. I couldn’t be happier for you than I am at this moment. I wish for all of your hopes and dreams to come true. This is the beginning of a new journey for you, and I hope you take chances together, grow together, learn together, laugh together, cry together, dream together and love together. This life passes by too fast, so make every breath worth it. Congratulations on the beginning of the rest of your life.
I love you Cait.
-Maddie

Vivi la Vita.

Live life. Two words. Simple.


As I take the next step in my life, as I grow up a little more, I find I'm scared. I don't know where I'm going, all I have are my hopes, and my dreams. I've been told I have one foot in my childhood- not wanting to leave, and the other foot in adulthood- wanting to experience the world. I'm afraid of the uncertainty that lies ahead.

On one hand, I'm young and I have my whole life ahead of me. I have time to be a child still. I have time for dreams. But on the other hand life has already gone by so fast. I don't have time to waste. I need to meet the people I need to know, I need to know where I'm going and what I'm doing. I need to know my options. I need to get my head out of my dreams and back into reality. I need to finish school, I need a car and a job. I need realistic paths for my life....but back to the other hand...

I have dreams. I dream of becoming a photo journalist. I dream of seeing the world. I want to show the world to everyone as I see it. I want to share the beauty of the universe. I want to bring peace to someones life, I want to make a difference. I want to change something for the better. I want to swim in the ocean, with the sharks. I want to find a starfish on the beach walking alone at night. I want to be stung by a jelly fish. I want to fly. I want to jump off a cliff into the unknown. I want to ride an elephant. I want to take a picture of the giraffes eating in the blistering sun of midday in African. I want beads from tribes- and to experience the culture. I want to learn of the world by seeing it, by being there. I want to learn about life. I don't want to read about it, watch a movie or a documentary about it. I want to experience it. I want everything the world has to offer. I want to live life!

How is it that I am so afraid of growing up, and yet I feel the need, in my heart, to become part of this world. I cannot just sit back...I cannot watch as the world becomes something more amazing each day. I cannot be like the rest of this town. I cannot be stuck here, I want to live!

My heart has been through so much, but this feeling of jumping headfirst, into an uncertain world, is much different than anything I have ever felt. I am terrified. And yet I feel confident.

So here is to this week; to the begging and the ending of life. Here I end the hopeless dreams of childhood. And here I begin making them reality. Here is to starting over. Here is to life. Here is to living. Live life. Vivi la vita.

Joy.

Again I find myself in awe of this life and this world. It's amazing. There is so much that we take for granted.
-My amazement is just sitting in a movie theater filled with people, the room is dark and the light from the screen shows the outlines of everyone- a couple on their first date, a couple on their millionth date, a mother and a daughter, a group of best friends, a lonely woman. It's a beautiful picture in my mind, if only I could paint.

The Joy in life isn't hidden, it's right in front of us.
-It's finding your first job, and searching for your first car.
-It's acing that test in math.
-It's being called by your friend when they need help.
-It's a beautiful song to remind you of your past but point you toward your future.
-It's your dreams for your life, fulfilled.
-It's a simple day of sunshine in the middle of darkness.
-It's changing your favorite color.
-It's a single compliment.
-It's a midnight escape from reality.
-It's a walk through a park after a hard day.
-It's nothing you ever wanted it to be...because it's just so much more.

The joy in your life is saved in every picture you've ever taken. It's locked in your heart for eternity. Life itself is the joy you're looking for.

A thought.

Even though I don't know where I'm going in life I know I will be happy. I don't know where I want to go, but I'm going. I don't know who I am, but I am. Life has gotten to me. And for once in a good way. I feel content not knowing where I'm headed. Its thrilling.

Just do it.

You know, sometimes life just sucks. There's nothing more to it. It just sucks and makes you miserable. But when you look back you realize that all that sucky-ness didn't really suck as much as you thought it did.
When I look back at all the times in my life that have made me miserable I see big events that have made me into who I am today. All the hurt that I have felt has actually made it possible to be happy.
Why is it that when you're a little kid anything can make you happy? I believe it's because you can't see the bad things. The bad is kept away from you by the adults around you. They protect you. But As you get older they back off, they let a little in at a time, and maybe they don't mean to, maybe it just gets too much for them so they have no choice to show you a little bad, to let you see what is really happening. Soon enough you're forced to see all the bad. And after that it gets hard to see the good. For so long good is all you knew...that's all there was, but now what? now it's just gone? If as a child it's easy to block out the bad why can it not be done now? Why is it that we can't just see the good?
Well, I see the good. It isn't like I just wake up and nothing bad happens. Bad things occur every day. But for me, I've just realized that seeing the good is a lot easier than wallowing in bad things and sadness. Just look around you. See what is good. This world is filled with things to amaze you. It's filled with love and joy and fun. It's full of things we don't need to make us happy. And It's filled with things we do need that, lucky for us, make us happy as well.
Maybe you can't just forget the bad, but it doesn't need to be the highlight of everything. Instead of talking about that girl over there-compliment her. Instead of waking up in the morning thinking about how bad the day will be-embrace it. Instead of feeling down about yourself think of the good in you. Think of the good in everyone you meet.
If you think something about yourself, you start to believe it after a while. Good or bad. So think ahead. If it makes you happy- do it. If it makes the smallest difference in your day- do it. It's surprisingly easy to make yourself happy. Just do it.

Just 'getting by'

In the past seven months my whole world has changed. I am a completely different person. I am so much happier now. And it isn't that life has gotten any easier. It's that I have brought myself to overcome the 'junk' that brings me down. Yea, it's easier to sit around and complain about how I hate who I am, and how I hate my life, but that's not what I want for my life. What I am searching for is complete happiness, so each day I work through the trials. Each day I tell myself I can make it. Each day I make myself get up and go to school, no matter how easy it is to back down and not go. And each day, it gets a little easier. If I don't like something about who I am, I can change it.
Life is beautiful. And it should never be about 'just making it'. 'Getting by' is not enough. I want to make a difference. I want to know that I did everything I wanted to in my life. I live with no regrets, because I know that everything I have done was what I wanted, and it has made me who I am. I don't know how to explain to other people the change I have made in the way I think about life. I do not believe that life is here for us to 'just get by'. This isn't 'practice.' We only get one chance to prove to the world who we are and what we can do. We only get one chance to make a difference.
Living life is the best thing I could do. Doing things the way I want, saying what needs to be said, being whoever I want to be is what makes me happy. I live in the moment. I remember my mistakes, and I dream tomorrow into reality.