A Color Decay

It's times like this, late at night, when I miss how life used to be.
It's times like this that I wish I could still be that little girl playing in a cardboard box, or that girl who didn't care or even think twice about what people thought.
It's times like this that I want to cover my eyes in black and be strong again.
But I just can't do it.
I wish, sometimes, that I could go back, or bring that girl here. How could I have been so fearless back then, but be so scared now?
I haven't cried for a while. I don't know what I feel. Could be happiness, but I'm scared too. I feel so vulnerable. I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve. I just don't know what to think right now.

What is this?
Someone wise once talked about a color decay, and maybe this is what she meant.
I feel alone, but as I look around I see that these people are trying to be here for me.
Maybe I am asking, wanting, too much from them. Maybe I don't give enough in return for what they do.

If I were to die tonight, I would regret so many things I have done, and more, I would regret all the things I have not done.

This whole Life thing...it's pretty scary sometimes.