My Story is Just Beginning

Hey there. It's just me again. Asking just a small favor...maybe I'll wait for later though.

--I bet you didn't realize this but my sixteenth birthday is in about six days. I have been looking forward to this ever since I can remember. Now, I wonder, what will I look to in my future. Because none of it seems realistic anymore. The checklist in my head is about complete...I don't feel as though there is much left to accomplish.

--Yea, I know, I have about a million years left to live. But do you know me? Haven't you seen me live my life? Because I've danced in the rain..in my rain. And I've even snuck a few kisses in the rain. I've lost a sister. And gained an even better friend. I've felt the pain caused by suicide. And I've felt the pain of wanting it. I've dyed my hair ten different colors. And worn so much makeup you would never notice it was me. I've even run down the street in the middle of the night trying to get away, realizing that what I wanted to escape from was indeed myself, so I walked back. I've changed my heart. Rather...He has changed my heart, and I have let Him.

--I can see now that every little stupid thing in my life made me. I know now that losing my sister was the only way I could love her as much as I do. I even know that running away doesn't fix anything. But it sure can make you feel better. I can sit here and remember my first rain and how wonderfully beautiful my life was at that moment. But even more, how beautiful it is now. Without that rain I might have as well ended up like John.

--Speaking of him, I acctually thank him for bringing me my best friend. Because without him I wouldn't know how terrible life would be without her. God, I love her.

--So where do I go from here? Will I ever get of this town? Am I ever going to make something of myself? Who will be proud of me when my life is over?

--I just want to know that when this life is over I have done everything possible to be true to who I am. I want to take every chance I get, to improve myself. I want to live. I want to be free. I want to feel complete.

--I wouldn't go back to change one thing about my life. I love every miserable second of it. I would not trade all the tears and heartache in the world to go back.

--Well I guess now it has come time for a new checklist. A new beginning.